


You Said You'd Grow Old With Me

by AuthorChristina



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Hydra (Marvel), M/M, Song fic, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 05:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18203864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorChristina/pseuds/AuthorChristina
Summary: Based on the song You Said You'd Grow Old with Me by Michael Schulte





	You Said You'd Grow Old With Me

_ I'd like to say "I'm okay", but I'm not _

_ I try, but I fall, close my mind, turn it off _

 

A moment of clarity. It’s not the first time Bucky’s gotten a moment like this, a moment where he remembers who he is, but it’s the first one where he wishes he didn’t know what was going on.

 

Moments like this usually pass quickly for him. There’s never enough time, enough clarity, for him to plan a way to escape. Even if he did his handlers would just have to say his trigger words to get him to comply again.

 

This time, this moment, he wishes he was trapped inside his brain without knowing what was going on. He wishes he wasn’t staring down at the newspaper, tattered, torn a bit, clearly a couple of days old.

 

His eyes slide across the words, his brain picking out the ones that mean more, that make more of an impact.

 

_ One year anniversary… Captain Steven Grant Rogers… Captain America…. Missing… presumed dead… _

 

Bucky’s hands shake as he reads the article over and over again. Tears gathering in his eyes as he reads the details of Steve’s death. He crashed a plane, into the ice, like the stupid heroic idiot he was.

 

He sacrificed himself to save the world.

 

_ Thought we had the time, had our lives _

_ Now you'll never get older, older _

_ Didn't say goodbye, now I'm frozen in time _

_ Getting colder, colder _

 

Bucky wants to be angry at him. To curse his name. But all he can feel is sadness and the last of his hope drain away. Steve was dead. Gone. Steve wasn’t going to come and save him again. Nobody was.

 

Nobody would be looking for Bucky.

 

He doubted that they ever were. There was no way for anyone to know that he survived the fall from the train and why would they think that? The fall was so long, so hard, he shouldn’t have been able to survive it. 

 

If it hadn’t been for Hydra Bucky would be dead with Steve. 

 

Bucky fall to his knees, thankful that there was nobody around to see him in the moment, his handlers having left him to get rid of the bodies.

 

Every moment Bucky had ever had with Steve flooded his mind. Every touch, whispered secret, every promise. Every stolen kiss, the I love you’s they never got to say but knew with just a look. Every moment they didn’t get together. The hopes and dreams that they had.

 

All of it, played like a movie in his mind.

 

He didn’t want to remember anymore. He didn’t want to know that Steve was dead. He didn’t want to face that he would never see Steve again.

 

Steve was gone. There was nobody to save him. Nobody to stop him from being the killing machine that Hydra made him to be. He was forever cursed to be nothing but a soldier for the other side.

 

Nothing more then the enemy for the rest of his life.

 

_ One last word _

_ One last moment _

 

He wished he could have one more moment with Steve. One last chance to tell him exactly how he felt, how much he loves him. 

 

When the handler’s came to take Bucky back, Bucky didn’t fight. He let the newspapers fall from his hands and let them pull him back to the plane.

 

He hated what he had been made into but at least he wouldn’t have to think about how he lived in a world where Steve wasn’t alive. 

  
  
  


_ You left me here behind _

_ You said you'd grow old with me _

  


**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [tumblr](http://stuck-y-together.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
